What do you think?

I wrote these ages back and they're not my best.





Murderer





Murderer walks on through the yard,


His face is cold and his eyes are hard,


And settles down beside a tree,


And frowns upon the dismal sea,


His hollow heart beats in its shell,


As he sits, alone, in a living hell,


And he thinks about her screams of fright,


She never even tried to fight,


He stood again and walked away,


As the rising sun announced the day,


And left behind, beneath the ground,


The body which was never found.





Murder





Blood drops on the brambles,


colouring the rose.


Slippers on the flower bed,


someone has cold toes.


Whispers in the corridor,


have you lost your voice?


Red, all down the river, flows,


she left without a choice.





Lie





Here I am, in endless strife,


Beneath the crimson skies,


Which bleed into my heartless life,


And mingle with your lies,


The feild I'm in is green and lush,


like the envy in your soul,


And the poppies, in their endless blush,


make you seem as black as coal.





please dont steal these. ta x

What do you think?
Wow... powerfull, emotional, immerses the reader in deep thought!


GREAT!


Have a star!





U wrote this when you were 13? Wow... great talent- you should get published!


Rav
Reply:Very good poems but very dark and dismal.





Get out with your friends more often, at your age life should be fun.
Reply:Creepy.


That is a good thing. It flows smooth and invokes a lot of emotion.


Can't ask for more then that.


Awesome!
Reply:Im gonna steal them. jk.
Reply:WOW
Reply:OK. after the lord mayors show the muck cart. I agree with most of the comments others have made but this particular poem is perhaps too long .


Rewrite it reusing the best lines and you will find it sounds better. But please do keep on writing.
Reply:Hi there, I think you have a bright future if indeed you are the true author of these poems. Extremely talanted, why dont you send them to a publishing house? search the net for one near to you and watch your future successes unfold. x x
Reply:You truly have a gift here keep up you will only prove,wordsworth got hs inspiration walking in the lake district ! if you dont know his poem the Daffodils which was inspired when he walked the lakes shores of Ullswater water,read it the nicest poem that has ever been written !cheers.Tony.