Could you read and critique please?????????

Wanton Ardor





His deviant shell


breeds lascivious feelings


and wanton ardor.








Don't Wither





Beautiful flower


don't let your petals wither


remain in full bloom.








Raging Tides





The ocean dances


flaring its blue skirt in bliss


causing raging tides.








Cotton Candy Ships(7/05/07)





Cotton candy ships


sails so smoothly on tranquil


sky blue ocean depths.

Could you read and critique please?????????
Normally, I don't get too much into matters of spelling and grammar, but you have expressed an interest in becoming a journalist, so I feel that I must. Your poetry, and especially your questions, are filled with these types of errors. If I were to see such things in an application of yours, I would assume one of a few reasons. Maybe your knowledge of standard English is seriously lacking. Maybe you are just very careless. Maybe you don't mind having your work be carelessly written and don't think it's important enough to check the facts regarding correct usage and spelling. Whatever the reason, I would not consider you to be qualified for a job as a journalist. I imagine that this might be a pain in the neck to read. But I think it would be a much bigger pain to be unemployable. I've let this slide, for the most part, because your work is so good - as is what you've submitted now - but this should not go on any more. If you would like to edit this and present this again, it would make me very happy. I want you to succeed. You can, you're good enough.


P.S.: I see only one error here. I guess it was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.
Reply:I like them all. Very nice.
Reply:Innocent, subtle but meaningful; an ideal symbolism.


They all sound like whispered little secrets that you tell directly to our hearts....
Reply:'An enlightened man does not cling to wordly things'
Reply:i like it! its like mysterios but mature....ya its really good :)
Reply:i dont see many hiakus that actually make sense to me and sond...so....complicated yet oh so simple...well done!


~Deadly Poetry
Reply:pretty

leather casual sandals