Is this mental abuse?

Been married for 23 years. Most of the time, we get along ok, as long as I cook the meals, do all the house work and dont talk much. Some days I find it hard to stay in my "shell". Today for instance, I needed to cut the lawn, he says I dont need to do it. So, I proceed to do some weeding of the flower beds, he says I dont need to do that b/c its too hot. Then he says I can mow if i want to. I go and cut the grass, but then it dont suit him. Later I go into the basement and put some boxes away that our daughter brought home from college and stacked it up in a corner, he comes down in the basement and told me I was doing it all wrong. He re-stacks the boxes very similiar to the way they were in the beginning. Whats the deal? Dont tell me to talk to him, b/c I have tried and of course he is always right and I am always wrong. I just like to do things around the house, but I cant do anything correct according to him. Is there hope ? Or am I doomed?

Is this mental abuse?
I too was married for 23 years....I never did anything right and if there was a compliment it was always follow by a "but". In other words if I would have done it the way he said then it would be almost perfect. He was controlling and I just learned to put a smile on my face and say nothing. On the outside we looked like a perfect couple. The perfect family with 3 smart, goodlooking boys. But last year in March I had had enough. I tried to leave but was stopped physically. I finally got away later that night but it was a fight that left me with 3 kidney surgeries and bruises that took a year to go away completely.





I would guess that in some way your husband has been phyical with you, I know you won't say if has or not, but I think he has. You just don't "buck the system".





You are doomed only as much as you want to be. There is life out there. There might even be hope for your marriage, but he has to admit that there is a problem, which I doubt that he will. Your marriage sounds so much like mine.





Talk to someone like a minister that you are both close to, a friend of his maybe. Sit him down and make it serious, tell him you want to go to counseling. Tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him how it makes you feel.





Don't talk to his parents or siblings, they will take up for him and he got this always right thing from someone in the family.


Good luck.
Reply:Yes, he is abusive and do get to counseling. Learn how to say no. You will need some support as you change. He has had his way for 23 years. He will fight your change, kicking and screaming. After a while he may get better, or you may decide he's not worth the fuss.
Reply:If you can't talk to him...you have a major problem.
Reply:You are doomed my friend, if you cannot be in a relationship and truly be yourself then what is the point ? you should not have to revert to your "shell" ever ! how miserable of a life that must be, to have to be someone you are not all the time. it must be very draining on your self esteem. Leave while you can and have some fun with the rest of your life and get to know the real "you".
Reply:My husband is a control freak too. The mistake your making is listening to him. If you want to mow the lawn mow it. If you don't then don't. If you stack all of the boxes and he doesn't like how it's done then he can redo it himself. And then if you hate it you redo it LOL Some people feel so bad about themselves and so out of control that they try to control others. Yes this is very unhealthy but you are making it worse by giving in. Because you are allowing him to control you. I went to years of counseling to figure this out. No one can be a doormat without first laying down. Stop letting him control you and when he complains just say well I did it the way I thought was right, feel free to redo it. If necessary go to counseling for you to help you learn how to stand up to someone like this. I only think you're doomed if you don't put a stop to it.

hayes