Help me improve my poem? Please? Or simply comment on it :)?

English class, Grade 9.





Looking out of the window, staring out in the sun,


She longs for the meaning of life...


Outside her walls,


How she longs to pluck up a flower and dine in its fragrance.





But still she sits, on her own very chair,


Afeared of her own very garden.


Should she creep off her chair?


No, she must sit, she is afraid, she's young, she'll have tomorrow for her garden.





Childhood is gone,


What remains?


Childhood is gone,


And youth...





Youth is what she thought is a worthless stage.


Youth, for her, is taken for granted.


Youth, to her, is her egg shell,


Youth is her screen, her barrier...





Youth is her barrier,


The barrier to the outside world,


Her wall to the flower in the garden,


A wall seperating her...





To life...





The third stanza was completely "borrowed", in case you wonder XD





Now the second one:





Not enough space XD It'll be on the note :p

Help me improve my poem? Please? Or simply comment on it :)?
hey there.


Firstly there is no right and wrong in poetry.


your teacher i am guessing is looking for the most attractive word grouping . For instance the first line "looking out of the window staring out in the sun " could be phrased in a more attractive way , however its important to note that this is your poem and your way of viewing so can not be said to be wrong . but as it is school work the teacher is trying to assertain your flare for poetry and use of words ,


I think that you have done a good job here with this poem . good luck with your teacher .
Reply:Ur poem is a nce one i liked it very much keep writing such nice poem.
Reply:I say its good how it is.Excellent poem.I am in 10th grade and i did a poem and i got an A.I'm pretty sure you will get an A too.I'm no expert but go with Matt's advice